A lot breaks when a marriage breaks and it’s not only dreams, hopes, desires, faith & trust, I feel it’s a lot more-it’s the breaking up of the little pieces of yourself that you have assembled over a period of time- that you have joined together to build up yourself- those tiny , unrecognizable , hollow spaces that you grew yourself into- those innumerable pieces you collaged yourself into over so many years- it’s almost a lifetime-it’s too many things that break or rather get lost-lost forever in the whirlpool of time- especially with kids around.
Attention breaks- things you would normally pay attention to, but you don’t because you can’t – the focus breaks, energy breaks- it dissipates and it’s not the same. Everyone in the family pays the price of this broken-ness. It’s sad but it’s true. There’s nothing one can do about it except make it less ugly, less discomforting, less painful, less dramatic- ah! and that’s not easy either. The price one pays cannot be quantified as less or more; worth it or not worth it because it is all subjective and depends on the journey you are on.
There’s nothing to guide you on this blind path except your inner guiding light and yes there are signposts- chaos, relief, peace, chaos, relief, pain, chaos, more pain, chaos, relief, pain, chaos, relief, pain, more pain, tiredness, chaos, pain, relief , clarity- these will keep alternating till you will know you have crossed the chasm of a broken marriage and walked ahead- with your sanity intact (hopefully); with well brought up kids – hoping that they have grown to be deeper, sensitive, humane souls who have soaked and learnt from your pain and the their own pain – and that pain has irrigated the fecund soils of their souls to make it richer than ever-that nothing ever goes in vain- least of all pain when it is used to fuel everything inside and outside of you- when the pain is not discarded and rubbished as a curse but counted and revered as a blessing- that’s when every broken-ness rises like a phoenix to remind us that not all broken marriages are knells of suffering and misery but most are harbingers of deep love and joy that awaits you at the other end of the chasm.