It has just hit me- my lightbulb moment- and everything seems to make sense all of a sudden.
Triggered by a powerful article, I just read- I realize what has been happening to me past few months which was becoming a bit of a mystery for me. I was not trying to detangle it at the cost of hurting myself – I am too sensitive for that. Nor was I beating up myself to unravel this shadow or darkness which has suddenly taken over my life and seem to overpower me completely.
I was aware it was something that needed to be seen and felt because it has set me up on a trail of tears which just keep flowing at the slightest nudge.
And it finally dawned on me today. Just one word and accepting it has broken through all the darkness- grieving.
I had been grieving without being consciously aware of it or mindful of it…and now that this has thrown light on that darkness, I feel illuminated.
Grieving over the empty nest- my kids having flown away because of their studies; grieving over leaving a country and relocating back after more than a decade to a place I grew up in and left while my parents were still alive; grieving over the loss of a life, I once had; grieving over the end of a 24 year old marriage which I so badly wanted to end anyways; grieving over the loss & betrayal of close friends who left when I needed them the most, – it’s all come together- these profound losses which have sort of strung themselves together and become a noose around my neck.
And one needs to go through this mess- the mess of grieving – for that is the only way to get through this tunnel. For grief in itself is a process- a process wherein you allow yourself the kindness and compassion to heal yourself. It’s slow and it’s messy but it is also empowering. Going through this morass is the only path to reach the other end.
And once you are aware that this is where you are and this is what you are meant to go through, the path eases a bit. It is still messy and heartbreaking ; it still rips you apart a bit more every day; it makes you want to disappear or lose yourself somewhere where it’s hard to find a way back to your own inner world and yet this is exactly what one needs to go through , to emerge on the other side of this grief.
It may take months or years, but your soul knows how much time it needs to get past the wounds that are slowly metamorphosing into scars. The soul works on its own timeline and it has nothing to do with the timeline that you adhere to in the physical world.
All one needs to give oneself is time, and be mindful of what one is experiencing at the present moment, without fighting it like a Knight bent upon winning the battle, even at the cost of killing someone.
And mind you, we don’t have a choice when it comes to grieving.
What is lost, has to be grieved and not bypassed .
For what is not grieved, will grow like poisonous tentacles inside us and will drown us when we least expect it to.
” Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure.” – Rumi
Life can only be understood in hindsight but it must be lived in the present- in the here & now. And when you are down in the dumps; in a crisis that renders you paralysed or stuck and unable to move forward, remember that your biggest and most precious treasures would be found there.
When I realized about 8 years ago that my marriage is over, for good- that all my efforts to sustain it, revive it or nurture it further or even to make it breathe had come to naught, I knew it was the universe’s way of telling me to move on. To let go of it gracefully and find a new path for myself.
My wounded healer archetype kicked in big time and I understood , I could use my pain in my writings to help other distressed souls. The need to delve deeper into myself resulted in a series of study courses and certifications- Soul Coaching, Angel Therapy, NLP, Archetypal Consulting & Angel Card Reading – all added to my becoming an Intuitive Coach & Healer adding on to my being a Writer & Poet.
But most of all, what my ruined marriage taught me was to stand tall than ever. And to understand love at a very deep, intimate level.
Our life expands and contracts in proportion to our courage. And to use one’s pain to deepen our connection to the self is the highest service we can do for love of the self and that requires immense courage. But courage comes shrouded in fear and doubt & the battle which we fight within is the most crucial.
Bitterness, being a victim, refusing to forgive the one who has caused you pain, anger, frustration, more anger, breakdown, the dark night of the soul- these are humps every soul goes through on the path of letting go – what we may call the path towards enlightenment. Breakup of marriage; financial loss; loss of a loved one; heartbreak are all triggers to guide us to reach within and reach our highest self.
And one must allow the process – to allow ourselves to be healed- slowly and surely. Impatience only delays the healing process.
The journey of coming to terms with whatever has been taken away or has been destroyed forever- psychically or emotionally or physically is where you will find your biggest strength and that’s the only journey that will bring out the Buddha in you.
Thich Nhat Hanh explains it beautifully in his book- The heart of the Buddha’s teaching-
“When we recognize and acknowledge our own suffering, the Buddha- which means the Buddha in us- will look at it, discover what has brought it about, and prescribe a course of action that can transform it into peace, joy and liberation. Suffering is the means the Buddha used to liberate himself, and it is also the means by which we can become free.”
It is so easy for us to work with our minds, a bit hard to work with our hearts totally and we find it completely incomprehensible to work with our spirit- mainly because it requires a different mi…
Source: Working with the spirit
It is so easy for us to work with our minds, a bit hard to work with our hearts totally and we find it completely incomprehensible to work with our spirit- mainly because it requires a different mindset or rather one needs to train oneself to partner with the spirit at all times.
So how does one work with the spirit, you may ask?
Working with spirit requires a primary condition of having unquestioning faith and trust in the divine- of believing that whatever is meant for you will never go past you – that everything is a gift, however painful- of surrendering your will to the divine will and living in the moment without letting the past hurt or haunt you.
Yes, it’s not easy but then working from the state of ego all the time is neither easy as well. It’s fearful, second guesses your motives and leaves you unfulfilled.
When we practice forgiveness on a regular basis- not premature forgiveness, or superficial closure but deep- down- in- the- bones forgiveness which gushes out like a spring of freshwater after anger has been released and tempered , do we actually begin to understand the true meaning of being alive .
When we live intensely in the present and stop looking at the future with rose tinted glasses or nurture unrealistic expectations from life, that’s when the spirit gets fully awakened and responds to our needs and wishes just the way it is required to, for our best and highest .
When you begin looking at your life with love rather than bitterness and doubt and fear, magic happens. It’s an attitude that needs to be cultivated and nourished.
The mind will offer you immense calculations and permutations to look at a situation or person in a practical, logical way but the spirit will quietly tell you what to do, what you need to do by shutting off what’s not essential for your growth. It will never confuse you or deceive you. It’s that voice which you can’t stop listening to, however hard you try to stifle it.
And once you learn to work with the spirit, you can direct the course of your own destiny and step out of your fate. Learn , unlearn, grow, unlearn- become a child again, become foolish, stop questioning why things happen as they do…just embrace , surrender and accept whatever is being gifted to you at the present moment. Let the spirit take you over.
Being vulnerable is being truly alive and anything else is being fake and stubborn and hiding our self from our own self – yet it’s an emotion few care to show to the ones they love & who matter and a fewer care to admit even to themselves – for once as women and (men) we have successfully mastered the so called art of being brave and strong – and of moving on in life in spite of heartbreaks with a straight face and our heads held high, being vulnerable is a feeling we lose touch with slowly – it’s an emotion we hide deep down in our hearts , locked away in some discarded part of our self which we are still holding on to – dreading to ever use or even look at in the eye – safe in the liberating thought : what’s out of sight is out of mind ( heart) – nothing is a bigger illusion than this – because to be truly human is to be vulnerable – to be truly authentic is to be vulnerable – vulnerability is a choice the soul makes on its path towards light – it’s one of the brightest lamp that illuminates our darkness leaving no room for delusions- for to confront and accept our vulnerability is to step closer to divinity and to our own selves – it’s the most potent way to be intensely and wholly alive – everything else is a mirage.
Don’t be fearful of your vulnerability – rather than using it to appear weak to others , use it to empower your soul and use it as a sickle to slash your way through the jungle of life and watch the path clear up – and behold the miracles all around you .
Waiting– that ever elusive feeling which houses in every soul and yet which means different things to different people. Why do we wait in the first place – for things to happen- for life to change- for desires to bloom, for love to arrive at our doorstep- for life to change, for time to fly, for dreams to come true…ah! the list is endless and the agony of waiting is perhaps worse than the pain of living through it all without any agendas or power struggles- or to put it succinctly, live in the moment- without getting anxious about the next moment- without carrying the load of past and being stuck in it- for to learn to live in the present is an acquired art- a precious skill – a muscle that strengthens with more use and yet its easier said than done- we as humans are brilliant at complicating things- our minds and ego have a job to do and we fuel them endlessly by listening to them even when we need to ignore them- because that’s what we are taught as a culture, as a society- to listen to our minds- to be sane and practical- to follow the norm , to merge and be a part of this rat race – to keep aspiring and craving for something new or better- a better job, a new car, a bigger house, a perfect lover, an excellent husband, a caring & dutiful wife- and we wait.
But waiting as the dictionary defines it is- to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens (often followed by for, till, or until): and therein lies its paradox- to be inactive is to be dead in your tracks- its like expecting the providence to move to conform to your wishes and demands – its being in a state of inertia and delusion, hoping the universe is planning a huge party for you soon- you may argue isn’t that what surrender is about- but surrender is a far greater act of divinity than waiting- waiting has an agenda attached to it – we wait FOR something to happen, we wait TO acquire something, we wait TO forgive, be forgiven, to love, to be loved, to live, to enjoy, to do this or that and the moment we begin to expect and hope for things to happen to us in a certain way, we have moved away from our highest self.
Surrender is letting go of all those hopes and expectations and going down on our knees to look heavenwards and utter- LET IT BE YOUR WILL LORD- and that requires greater courage, more patience, unwavering faith & trust and living intensely in the present moment – it requires greater soul stamina and more maturity- So the next time you find yourself waiting for a miracle to happen, release yourself from that trap because magic doesn’t happen when you wait but when you completely, truly, fully and unconditionally surrender- its only then that you get out of your own way and make way for the providence to move.